Tuesday, June 7, 2016

FreeWriting Improve the Introduction

When we free write we don't really pay attention to the structure.  Now however, we are going to take the introduction and rewrite it.

This is the original text:
I am sooooo angry at Google! yes Google.  They have this nifty program called Google docs.  And if you create your own documents in their system you can have as much storage as you want!!  So I created a lot of files that I use everyday.  Word documents and spreadsheets.  I use these a lot and I am constantly doing updates and changing them to get the most up to date infomattion on them. 

Now what can we do to improve this?  First we have to decide what tone we want.  Is it an infomal, or formal?  What audience do we have in mind?  Who is going to be interested in this subject?

Well, I want this to be an informal blog post.

Do I really want the word soooooo?

Maybe yes, but I also notice a spelling mistake at the end.  So I will correct that.
My first sentence is very strong, but then the rest is not.  I am going to take out the extra exclamation points, and fix the run on sentences.   Take out the word so, it is too informal, Change the simple past tense to the Present Perfect, which implies that this process has been going on for a while.
Combine the two sentences ( So I created a lot of files that I use everyday.  Word documents and spreadsheets. ) into one .  Doing updates and changing them is really the same action,  Which one to choose?  Updating is more precise.  I now have the same information but with less wordiness. Is something changed?  Yes.  I have changed the tone of the introduction.  Now I need a sentence at the end to connect it with the next paragraph to say why I am angry.  
There now there is a concluding sentence and I would be ready to go on to the next paragraph.  

Spaces after the period. In the old days we were told to put two spaces. Now one space is enough. You can still put two if you want to. But if you don't put any at all then it is a mistake. 

Should I keep the first sentence?  Maybe I should change it to the title.
Then the first sentence would be about Google Docs itself.

!st Draft

I am so Angry at Google!

They have this nifty program called Google docs.  If you create your own documents in their system you can have as much storage as you want!  I  have created word processing documents and spreadsheets that I use everyday.  I am constantly updating the information.   If this system worked as it was intended, then I would not have any problems.  But, there is a big problem.  

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Rachael   Alice

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